The Cone Of Shame

About four weeks ago my dog started licking at his paw. Sonneigh has always been a little obsessive compulsive about certain things so the husband and I just kind of assumed that this was his obsession du jour.  I checked his paw, nothing there, so in true Anderson (maiden name) fashion, I just ignored it for a while in the hopes that it would go away. This is a phenomenon that occurs regularly in my parents house.  "Your back windshield is greasy and seems to be covered in exhaust? Turn the radio up. It's not broken."* "You fell in the hallway at school and your arm hurts? Run some water on it, it's not broken."**Sadly, after about 2 weeks of the constant licking*** he started limping and within the course of approximately 24 hours the paw that was previously just damp was crusty and oozing and swollen.

I am the worst mother ever. When husband and I have children my friends might as well have social services on speed dial because seriously, who lets their dog's paw get CRUSTY AND SWOLLEN??? I swear though, I checked it nearly daily and there was never anything there. I promise on a stack of Bibles, my mother's grave. If I'm lying, may I never ever have enough money to own a pair of Frye boots.

We scheduled an appointment at the vet for the dog and got him in within 24 hours of the eruption of the crusty ooze.  The vet looked at it and drew back going "oooh......ew." (I was convinced that she was indeed going to be calling doggie social services at this point.) But she took him back to the mysterious back room that I imagine is lined with glass jars of poo specimens and expensive and unneccessary coat cleansers, and shed stoppers.  They checked his paw and couldn't find any initial point of wound so she determined that it was either *cue scary music* MANGE. AUTO IMMUNE DISEASE. OR the slightly less terrifying "He might have stepped on something and then just licked it to the point of infection but I don't really know what's wrong with it."

Oh my god dog doc what do we do????

265 dollars later we ruled out MANGE and the mild panic attack of what if it is mange and I lose all MY hair let alone the dogs.  That just left the Auto Immune Disease or random undiagnosable paw injury infection.  She was going to GUESS that it was just random injury and prescribed a course of steroids to stop the swelling and antibiotics since he had a staph infection. Staph infection? Isn't that what you get at hospitals and then you die from the surgery that was supposed to save your life. Awesome. Worst. Mom. Ever.

Oh. And that licking? Yeah...that wasn't going to be continuing if the paw was ever supposed to get better. So the prescription included 3 weeks of "The Cone of Shame." My dog is roughly the size of a 60 pound streamlined golden retriever. He's about knee high and whippy.  The Cone that he had to wear extended an easy 6 inches past his face. This turned him from a loveable and affectionate snugglebug into a clumsy torpedo of pain.  He ran into walls, chairs, counters, coffee tables, took out my knee and nearly shoved me down the stairs because he had no concept of space or distance. The worst part was watching him try to get any treats off the floor. The cone made his head look like an upside down trash can as he scootched it across the floor desperately trying to extend his tongue far enough to lick the ground. Or maybe the worst part was when I tossed him a marshmallow containing his meds and he missed it and it got wedged between his ear and inside of the cone. He took out two kitchen chairs and his water bowl trying to get that one. It might have also been the time that he tried to jump onto the bed but the bottom of the cone got stuck on the footboard and he just collapsed onto the ground all forward momentum finished. Did you know that when a dog drools in the Cone of Shame it just trickles back and drips down his neck? Oh yes my friends...a waterfall of drool.

I thought about taking pictures, and I did take a few with my phone, but ultimately the guilt of being the worst dog mom ever won out and I don't have these special moments saved for posterity and wont post them on the blog.  There are some things that a mom shouldn't ever make public.

2 and a half weeks into the Cone of Shame experience the vet has seen the dog again for a check up and the paw is pretty much completely healed and she's ruled out an Auto Immune Disease.   She thinks now that maybe he got stung by a bee. 265 dollar bee sting? Sweet, I'll take that over the Mange and skin eating itself any day.  He doesn't have to wear the Cone anymore and the licking seems to have stopped. I can't wait to go to sleep tonight and not have my husband's snores drowned out by the lick slurp lick slurp....

Isn't he adorable?

* The engine block was definitely cracked and leaking oil
** My bone was definitely broken and moved 18 degrees in the wrong direction.
***Constant. As in, INCESSANT. Slurp, lick, slurp,  lick. All night. So loud that we could hear him through closed doors. I cannot begin to explain the special hell that is incessant dog licking noises.